When Your Children Become Adults: Navigating the New Season of Parenting

Carolyn
3 days ago
3 min read

Parenting is not a role that ends. It transforms.

There is a moment—sometimes gradual, sometimes abrupt—when your child becomes an adult. You feel it. You know the relationship is shifting, but no one really prepares you for how to parent an adult child. And it can be confusing, lonely, and deeply emotional. (It definitely was for me!)

This week, I shared a video that I hope will encourage your heart and equip you in this season. I am not sharing from a place of expertise, but from study, lived experience, trial and error. I invite you to come alongside me as we explore what parenting can look like when our children leave childhood behind.

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A Safe Place to Fail

One of the greatest gifts we can offer our children is not rescuing them, but giving them a safe place to fail. Just like we taught them to walk, use a fork, or count to 100, we also need to teach them how to handle failure, frustration, and self-doubt. If we always intervene, we unintentionally communicate, “I do not think you are capable.” That is not the message we want to send.

Home should be the safest space in their world—a place where they can fall, learn, cry, and be seen without judgement. Because if they do not learn those hard lessons while they are still in our care, they may face even greater challenges later with fewer tools.

Whole-Self Parenting

As our children grow, so must we. Holistic wellness is essential—not just for them, but for us. Emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health are all interconnected. The healthier you are, the healthier they become. You are still modelling what adulthood looks like, and your healing will ripple out into their lives.

You do not need to be perfect. You just need to be present.

“Do not worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”~ Robert Fulghum

From Parent to Mentor

As our children enter adulthood, our role shifts from authority to mentorship. You are no longer parenting in the traditional sense—you are now walking alongside them, modelling adult behaviour, and offering support without control.

We must let go of the manual we wrote in our minds—the one that said how their life should look. That vision was rooted in our experiences, often shaped by wounds we never shared. If we are honest, many of us parent out of fear. But fear is not the legacy we want to leave.

Instead, can we become safe, wise, listening adults? Can we hold space for their journey, even when we do not agree with every step?

What They Really Need

Young adults today are under immense pressure. Grades, friendships, social media, identity struggles—the list is long and heavy. What they truly need from us is not more direction, but more connection.

Mealtimes matter – create space for meaningful conversation. It might be lunch dates now instead of nightly dinners, but consistency creates connection.
Drop the purse strings – financial independence builds confidence. Trust them to figure it out.
Choose your mountains carefully – not everything is worth a battle. Focus on what truly matters.
Take care of yourself – the best support you can give is to model wellness.

You are not their best friend. You are something better—you are their foundation. And you still matter more than you think.

Final Thoughts: You Did Good

You may feel unappreciated. Abandoned even. But the truth is: you did good.

Let go of what you thought this season would look like. Accept your child as they are—even if you do not agree. And ask yourself the hard questions: “Am I trying to control them because I am afraid?” “What healing do I still need to do?”

Because at the end of your life, what will matter most is the relationship you have with your children. There is still time to make the changes that lead to peace, joy, and legacy.

You have been a good parent. And you still are.

Let us walk this journey—together.