What are you searching for?  Are you searching for approval?  For agreement for the choices you are making?  Are you searching for truth?

​I have been searching.  I have shared briefly over the past few years that I have really been struggling.  I have wrote a lot of journal pages and wasted a lot of time scrolling on social media trying to figure out how to heal from the hurt.

​My husband and I have dedicated our Saturday mornings to coffee and "discussion".  My husband and I met on a missions program where we toured across Canada speaking in high schools.  When you are travelling all the time stuffed inside mini vans you learn a lot about each other really quickly.  After the tour we both went home to our different Provinces, thousands of kilometers apart.  Our long distance phone bills were outrageous and many emails were exchanged.  Our only form of building our relationship was with communication.  At the time I resented it, but now I really appreciate that time because it built our relationship firmly on our ability to communicate well with each other and to express our thoughts and emotions through our words - there was no Facetime - it was a receiver, attached to a cord, that attached to the phone on the wall.  Yes I am that old.  I still remember the party line we shared with two of our neighbours.  Don't judge. 

Anyway, back to our Saturday morning coffee - we have always been able to communicate well but we weren't always making the time for it.  Now we do.  I have been doing a lot of journaling and reading and self exploration over the past year.  I was tired of struggling and it was time to move forward.  I wasn't sure how but I took the first step on the journey.  Last Saturday I was sharing with Dustin about what I have learned about myself over the past few months, about the people who have come into my life at the perfect time and how I am feeling lighter.  I told him that I feel like sharing about what I am learning with others but I don't feel like I have the answers yet.  Dustin then told me to start sharing.  He said normal people don't share publicly about their struggles as much as I do (I think that was a compliment 😁), that many struggle through things alone.  He gave me example after example of times I have stepped forward to share, and how it has helped others.  We talked about a time in high school english class that my class was asked to write a page about ourselves.  I was so honest in that page that I ended up in weeks of appointments in the student counselling centre.  😂  Dustin then told me that I was most likely the only one to write how I honestly felt, most would have written either what they felt like should write or what the teacher was expecting of them.  I chose to be honest in my writing and that has never changed because it is who I am.  My book became another example of that.

In my journaling workshops I ask people to write in their journal about who they are in the dark.  Who are you when you are sitting in your room in the dark, with the door closed and your phone is in another room.  No one is around, no one can see you - who are you?

The last few years have been a struggle for me.  I do not have the answers but I know that my healing comes from me sharing and teaching.  The hurt that I experienced went deep.  It hurt to the core of my being.  When you are hurt by something that is tied so close to who you are, it shakes everything.

I experienced a hurt that I still haven't been able to define.  I was trying to figure out how to deal with it and I didn't even know the words to search on google.

It has been largely described as "being hurt by the church", or when "Christians attack their own". 

How are you doing?  2020 has been an interesting year, wouldn't you agree?

I did something this year that I thought that I would never do.

I signed up for a group coaching membership.  Yep, I did.  The past few years have been difficult and I have really been struggling with trying to figure it all out.  So I had to try something.  And in my typical fashion I had to do something that was somewhat anonymous.  The group is big enough that you can attend and not be seen, but you get all of the teaching.  And this works perfectly for me, and I have been learning a lot.  I am so thankful that I put aside my preconceived ideals and make this investment in myself.  

What could have been a very difficult year - that continued to spiral downward, has become a year of healing that I am so thankful for.

​Are you taking time to invest in you?  It is really important that you do.  I carried some baggage around for far too long, and I wasn't taking care of my health - I just kind of let everything go.  This is not a good place to live your life.

Making active choices to live intentionally is where we all need to be.

I have made a variety of changes in my life and part of it includes the environment that I live in and how I start my day.  I am going to share a bit of that with you.

I have been following Yoga with Adriene on YouTube for years.  I am not a big fan of public displays of exercise, I like the comfort of my own home.  I start my diffuser with a relaxing scent, play some relaxing music (which for me is jazz), lay down my yoga mat and spend 30 minutes relaxing and stretching.  It is an amazing way to start my day. 

​Now that I am working from home I have more time in the mornings because I no longer have the commute.  Yoga helps clear my mind, stretches out the muscles that ache from the night (which seem to be increasing year by year) and gets me motivated to take on my day!

Yoga for Writers is a favourite of mine.  I like the stretching with a little bit of core.

king the time to invest in my mental wellness has so important.  

I created the My Journey journal years ago and it keeps evolving and become something that is a huge part of my life.  It is my weekly check in with myself and has become a place where I can see my journey unfold and give myself more grace in my journey.

If you are interested in checking it out for yourself all you have to do it CLICK HERE to download your free journal.

2020 is year that I will always remember and I am thankful that I used this time as a positive experience.  It is so easy to get sucked into a negative environment - and it happens.  But you don't have to stay there.  You get to choose, I really hope that you will join me as we choose to end 2020 well.

​You are invited to the My Journey journaling workshop on ZOOM.
 
When: Nov 1, 2020 03:00 PM Saskatchewan 

Register in advance for this meeting:
https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZAuf--qrj0sEteZkpPaFpI2tyFVz9gMgWSv 

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

Let's finish 2020 well, all participants will receive a free digital journal and I will be giving away a special prize to someone that attends the workshop on Sunday!

​Hope to see you there! 😀

​When life throws a few character building exercises at you, how do you process?  How do you work through it?

I have been trying to figure this out for myself.  In the past I have always used teaching.  Yep, I would be struggling with something, I would do tons of research to learn and grow and then I would feel compelled to share it with everyone, whether they wanted to learn about it or not.  

This time it's different.  I can't explain what I am trying to deal with -  I don't know what to google!!!

I feel like I am lugging this huge weight around and I don't know how to fix it.  I feel broken in a way I have never experienced before, and I don't know how to move forward.

I have been carrying this for the past two years and I need to be able to move forward.

I do not have all the answers.  I am not sure what moving forward means or looks like.  But I am finally ready to start taking steps forward.

Are you carrying something?  Want to join me?

It's always better to work through something with friends who are there to support and encourage.  What do you say?

I know for me I have a lot of areas in my life that have been impacted.  Through what has happened to me emotionally, mentally and spiritually has been affecting me physically as well.  So there is a lot of work to do.

Through my blog and social media I will be sharing how and what I am learning (I apparently still feel the need to teach - even when I have no idea what I am doing 😂 ).  I'm even thinking about resurrecting my old podcast - what do you think?

Join me on my journey on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolyn.carleton/ and sign up for my emails if you want to learn more.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you want to join me on the journey.  We are in this together!  I need all the support I can get.

As the chapters progress on my journey through the Saskatchewan prairie, I am soaking all the information in.  This books is well researched on a scientific level that I appreciate.  I find myself wishing that I wasn't driving so that I could be taking notes from everything that I am learning.

Finally, I can't handle it anymore and I have to pull over so that  I can start jotting down notes.  You see, I am on my way to teach my workshop to students in Grades 8-11, the workshop is based upon the fact that creativity helps your thought process.  The repetitive motion from weaving releases serotonin in the same way as meditation or yoga.  Our brains feed us negative thoughts throughout each day, by spending time in creative arts it gives our minds a break from the negative messages.

I had to call my husband because I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't drive.  This traveling day was releasing me from so much hurt that I had been carrying around for far too long.  I was learning so much that I was able to share with the students that I would be teaching over the next two days.  When I finally arrived at my destination that night I was not the same person that left my home earlier that day.  I wished I had further to drive because I wanted to finish the book. 😁

The community in Biggar welcomed me in and I had a fabulous two days with them.  My drive home was my time to process all my thoughts, experiences and emotions from the previous three days.  I was thankful to arrive home to have supper with my family and the excitement from our dogs that are always happy to see me.  That night my husband and I sat and chatted over a glass of wine and I was able to share about my time away. 

This trip was so good for my soul, I almost feel selfish because I think I received more out of it than the students that I went to teach.  I had a great time with the students, it was so rewarding to see their faces light up when they figured out that they could do the project and they realized that they have power over their thoughts.  The following day was when life changed in Canada.  COVID-19 was establishing itself in our population and within two days schools were closed indefinitely.  I became even more thankful for this time in the realization that we are all facing a new reality in our lives.

I have finished listening the the audio book and I have subscribed to the Made for this podcast as Jennie is working through her book via her podcast. (Start listening to the podcast episodes in January for the episodes about the book)

The timing of this book - in my life, during the COVID-19 pandemic and in everything we are facing right now is no accident.  When we are in the middle of a season of trial or uncertainty we are unable to see the big picture and understand the 'why' behind it.  Then as we can see how our journey can help others - it all starts to make sense.

I am thankful for Jennie for sharing her journey.  I know that I heal and learn by teaching and helping others on their journey.  Thank you for joining me on this journey.