I have to admit that I come across as a confident person, but really I am a chicken!

Far too often I give up too easily, I start off strong but then I get in my own way.  This is something that I will never have to stop working on.

I know deep down in my gut things that I need to do and yet I still hold back.  Why oh why do I continually do that!  Am I the only one that does this?

I am making a list of what I know I need to do and I am going to put my view of myself and my abilities to the side and I am going to Be Bravely ME! 

Why am I choosing this? ​

Because others may be missing out on something that I can share with, a way that I can encourage them, a life lesson that they can relate to.
​
So here I am making a public proclamation that I will actively choose to begin working on what the still small voice has laid heavy on my heart.  Ready, set, here I go!!!!!!!

Life sometimes just feels so full. Sometimes too full. I am wondering how it got that way.

Since having health problems for over a year now, I have tried to slow down and yet I still feel like I am running around like a crazy person.  At the end of the day I continue to ask myself, "What did I accomplish today?" And sometimes I can't think of anything but yet my day felt so full.

Why do I choose to do this to myself each day? I know I need to slow down. I had physio today and yikes am I sore right now. I felt really good when I came home but right now I feel really tight and sore, and well, like a truck hit me. Physiotherapists really know how to hurt a person. :)  But I know that I will continue to get better from this. That all of this pain will help me in the long run.

Kinda sounds like life lessons.  Well, it is how it works for me most of the time. You know the character building exercises that we go through in our lives? It really sucks when you are in those places in your life, but then in the end when you can see what you were learning and how it helped you. In a weird and yet wonderful way it all seems worth it in the end.

I guess that is what physio is going to do for me. I am not going to feel like a 90 year old woman anymore. I will be able to run and play with our daughters again. I wish I wasn't in this place right now but I know that I am taking the right steps, on the right path to get to where I need to be. I just have to figure out how to slow down this ride of life that seems like it is spinning out of control. I know I need to cut somethings out of my life, but where do you start cutting? Who do you cut?

I was talking to my husband about having to cut some things and he asks me, that if I decided to leave something, "Who is going to lose out from having me involved?"

It is interesting to look at things from the larger perspective - I start cutting things that I wouldn't mind losing, but what effect is that going to have on other people? There is more to life than ourselves.  Even though that is what the media likes to teach us - 'Life is all about me!"  Someone else is always going to be affected by every decision that we make.  Man! I thought I had difficult decisions to make before, but now it got even worse!

So now my brain hurts along with my back. So I am going to bed, and hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I will try to take my day bit by bit and enjoy the day with my husband and our daughters and not worry about the next thing on my to-do list that I feel I need to cross off.  Hey, I bought a new purse today!  Life is good! ​

It's a strange habit of mine - but I like to read obituaries.  

​All of us leave a story of our lives and I find it interesting to read the thoughts and memories of family about their loved one.  A few months ago I came across this special story from Hertha and a memory shared from her grandson Josh:  

As I read that obituary tears began to roll down my cheeks.  To instill a passion for tithing - what a blessed woman.  Not only did she leave this legacy for her grandson, but also to everyone that read about this special early morning visit.  It is such an important message that I had to share her wish that we would all put money in a jar and wait and see what God will choose to do with it.

2 Corinthians 9: 6-11 (The Message) "Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop. I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your own mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm-twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.

God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it,

He throws caution to the winds,
    giving to the needy in reckless abandon.
His right-living, right-giving ways
    never run out, never wear out.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God."

Today's challenge: find a jar, hold it in your hands and pray that what is placed in it will be used for God's glory and purpose, now start to fill it and continue to pray for direction on how you can give it away!

I see so much pain.  The hurt that is spreading across the world today just breaks my heart.  I have an overwhelming ache as I think about the needs in the hearts of mankind, and I feel weakness as I wonder "What can I do for so great a need?"

I can honestly admit that I have lost sleep over this - I lay in bed praying and seeking guidance as to how I can help.  What can I do?  Something needs to be done.

Why am I so obsessed with this?

The pain and hurt I see in the actions of others are an outward expression of the pain they are feeling on the inside.  People are carrying around so much pain, they dislike themselves so much that they share it with those around them.  This just breaks my heart.  

Think for a moment about the positive people in your life.  

Can you imagine something hurtful coming from their mouth?  People who have peace with who they are - are happy and have no desire or need to hurt others.  They are a light in the dark world around them.

Scripture tells us that what is in your heart shines out (Luke 6:45)  As I think about my calling to be the hands and feet of Jesus - what kind of light am I?  What is my wattage?  Am I adding to the pain that I see in the world around me?  Are people drawn to my light?

Everyday we have the opportunity to be a light of positivity and love to our families, friends and wherever our path may lead that day.  I know that I have wasted too many days and nights worrying about how I can make a difference - how silly.   I can make a difference by being the hands and feet of Jesus each day with a servants heart.

I want to leave you this promise found in Romans: 

Life is made up with a variety of seasons.  Each season offers character building exercises, stretches you and hopefully guides you along the path to becoming all that we have been created to be.

Check out this video by Joanna Gaines from Fixer Upper

I watched this video a year ago, and it's message of trust has never left me.

What I have been learning is that even though something is good, it may mean that you have to let it go.

For the past few years I have had a small, fun business called Living Skies Crochet.  I took my passion of creating with yarn and turned it into a business.  I started selling crochet items at markets but found I couldn't keep up to the demand, so I decided to sell the patterns so that anyone that could read a pattern and crochet could make my original designs.  Financially this wasn't a business that I could retire on, but it provided money for groceries and my yarn stash. :)

This past year has been hard on a lot of families in Western Canada due to the low price of oil and our Canadian economy.  My husband is self-employed and some months were harder than others.  Last fall I was in a vehicle accident where I was hit by a drunk driver and my vehicle was totaled.  Sometimes life presents situations where we have to learn to live a new reality.

I have been really working on listening, rather than asking.  When life seems difficult I tend to become rather needy and full of prayers of petition.  But what I have found, is that there is peace and answers if I just remain silent, listen and be still.

​So here I am, closing Living Skies Crochet.  This source of income will be gone at the end of March, and I have such peace about it.

When we get out of our comfort zone and trust God's hand to work in our lives, it creates such a beautiful picture.

I am excited to see the picture evolve in my own life, I know that He is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.. (Eph. 3:20)

This is what I shared at my friend Connie's celebration of life service this past Saturday. I am posting it here because I want to honor her, to use it as a reminder of her legacy and the example she is to us all.

Also, an opportunity for those that were in attendance that couldn't understand what I was saying through my sobs, here is what I said......

I only have two – three minutes to share what I am sure could take 2 -3 hours to tell you about the legacy that Connie leaves behind for my family.

It takes another fiber artisan to understand the value and importance of the size of your yarn stash. I personally know only a few people that have a yarn stash that rivals my own, I think Connie may have me beat.  I will always cherish our fiber bonding moments over the past few years.  

Especially the time our family found ourselves homeless on a very cold night in January during our home renovation.  I called Connie to see if we could take her up on her offer to stay in their home and without hesitation she said yes and to make sure that I brought my yarn so we could crochet by the fire.

I’m sure that anyone who stepped foot in her house left with a hat.  Just a couple of weeks ago Connie gave me a new art lesson using ink, tiles and air.  Always willing to try something new and so very gifted.

Which includes her music ability.  I remember her leading worship one Sunday morning doing camp songs with all the actions.  Always full of life and action.

A couple of years ago, our daughters spent a summer at the Friesen house when Maxine babysat the girls.  It was a summer that they will never forget and they talk about often.  A house full of dress up clothes, art supplies and amazing hiding places for ultimate games of hide and go seek and the place that they were introduced to Dutch Blitz.  I have never seen firsthand Dutch Blitz in action in the Friesen household but my daughters insisted that we needed purchase and play this game and the girls have obviously been taught by the masters because I cannot beat them. 

Not only was their home a “fun house” but the love and acceptance that the girls received from the whole family during that time makes my mama heart overwhelmed.  Connie’s example of unconditional love, generosity and acceptance lives on through her children.

The other day, Nevaeh and I were having a chat about all the reasons that we love Connie.  I believe that life is a series of lessons, I call them Character Building Exercises.

Nevaeh and I learned from our sharing time that all the qualities that we love about Connie are all things that we can do and share with others through our own lives.  Each one of us have been created for such a time as this.  It is up to us how we choose to use it.  

Connie was created for her time and she touched so many lives.  We are here today because she made an impression on us all.  My prayer is that Connie’s spirit of generosity, faith and kindness will live on through our family - that the reasons our hearts hurt so badly are the same reasons that will inspire us to live each day with and on purpose.  May Connie’s legacy live on through us all.